Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The power of my boobs compel you
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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