you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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