Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
