Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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