so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize