yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
