The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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