We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize