if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
