You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
