Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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