As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
