i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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