I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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