So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i now understand why vodka
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
