CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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