He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
