You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
