i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
