you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize