I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You ruined the universe
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
