Moan for me like Helen Keller
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
