HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I want is dick and wine.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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