I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
