Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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