I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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