i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
