I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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