Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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