1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
