I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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