he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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