My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
