dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I could fuck to npr.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
