Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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