I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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