My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.