I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Found the puke drawer
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.