Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.