i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night