Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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