I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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