There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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