Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
