Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
