I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
