just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
