Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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