Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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