Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
