Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
