i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
