When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
