your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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