Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
