I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
