So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
