you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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