I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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