It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
