I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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