Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
