New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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