My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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