oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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