Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
