paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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