If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
