very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I love you. Go after that dick
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
