i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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