were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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