At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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